new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
