sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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