party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
