i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
