Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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