dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Couch. On fire.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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