this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
