we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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