Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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