Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
