so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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