I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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