I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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