The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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