Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
