i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
