I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
