i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
