:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
