I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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