Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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