Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
