oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
