dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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