I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
