I just pynch a tree in the face
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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