We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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