listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
