really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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