I just threw up on my dentist
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
