I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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