i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
