Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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