My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
