I'm going to jail i love you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize