yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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