wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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