Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In other news, I just burned my penis
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize