shes about as inviting as chlamydia
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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