We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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