The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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