Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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