shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
