sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
