evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
