oh god the rape fog is back!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
