So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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