dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
