We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
