I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
