If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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