Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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