And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
