Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She needs sedatives and a leash
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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