you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
