I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is classic penis vs brain.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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