He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
