In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
