i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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