Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
