You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
