I heard we made out
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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