i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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