When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
