white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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