In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize