Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
